Monday, 1 July 2019

Bassano del Grappa

Alcohol day! Usual early start. During world war 2 Italian partisans were fighting the Germans using geurilla tactics but the Germans lured them into town from the woods where they were hiding by declaring an amnesty. But it was a trick and they hung them from trees that line one of the main streets. The trees are still there and each bears a memorial to the man hanged there. This took place only 6 years before I was born. Very sad.
Anyway this is the town where they make grappa and we had a tasting. Mum tried a bit but then just kept getting top ups for me so I had 6 altogether. It’s very strong stuff but they claim it helps digestion and a guy I was talking to suffers chronic indigestion but last night, had 2 grappas and no indigestion. So I bought 3 bottles 😉. We had lunch at a hotel which had a nice outside, shaded seating area and I had an Hugo 😎
This afternoon we went to a Prosecco vineyard. Apparently they can’t keep up with demand at the moment as it’s so popular even though they produced one and a half million bottles last year. They had 2 kinds and, cheekily mum drank both hers so I only got 3 (there was some left after everyone got some). I bought a bottle of the one I liked best for 9 euros which seemed good value to me. So the non drivers could have fun at Felicity’s party!
Tonight we couldn’t find a place to eat that was open that we hadn’t already eaten at so we resorted to the 3 course meal in the hotel restaurant and this time we both had the welcoming glass of Prosecco then mum reverted to the fizzy water and I had beer. The main thing of note about the meal was that I finished each of the 3 courses before Mum. That’s a new phenomenon!
Oh, mum wants me to mention that when we were totally lost yesterday she accosted an old lady, seeking directions. She spoke no English but with a lot of pointing and a few words I understood she succeeded in getting us back on the right track.

Sunday, 30 June 2019

Mantova

Our tour guide says this is an adventure not a holiday, and getting up at 6-45 on a Sunday must fall into the former category! Spent over 10 hours on the go today in 37 degree heat, which includes walking approximately 47 miles.  Started with a guided tour of Mantova. We went in a massive church, more like a cathedral and she demonstrated the acoustics by walking right up to the front and sung facing the wall. Amazingly you could hear perfectly and the whole place went silent and then gave her a big round of applause when she finished.
Lunch next and I got my first Hugo of the holiday. It was fabulous and nothing like those attempts I had at recreating it! I fancied a salami ciabatta but when I told her she said Mediteranee? I said ok and when it came it was tuna and olives again! Very nice. I like having no idea what is coming. We then got lost and walked right across the Sahara trying to reach the coach pick up point before the sun killed us.
They then took us to a famous garden place but to be honest I feel it’s overrated; just like our garden but bigger. We could have hired a golf buggy to drive around but you needed your driving license and I left mine at home. The other member of our party had her license with her but didn’t fancy it. So we toured the whole place on one of those little trains towed by a tractor disguised as an engine. It was better than walking in that heat. We went to a nice restaurant for tea with hundreds of tourists baking in the heat, eating outside. But we asked for a table inside and were surrounded by all the Italians having their Sunday family meal in the beautiful cool air conditioning! They’re not daft and neither are we! We both had pizza today and it was spot on. I had some more red beer in the further absence of Hugo availability

Saturday, 29 June 2019

Vicenza

Drove about an hour on the coach. The guide was saying you lose so much body salts through sweating in this heat that drinking water only rehydrates you and it’s also essential to replace the salts with isotonic drinks etc. A couple of hours later, with the sweat running down my face like a waterfall I began to feel very strange ( yes I know, no change there then!) so I had a red bull to put me on until I found a supermarket and got an isotonic drink. Soon after I began to feel ok again. But my travelling companion suggested I only felt ill because the guide talked about it and even muttered something along the lines of she can see where Rowena gets it from! My guess is she meant good looks and charm.
Vicenza has lots of museums and they gave us a free pass. We did go in a few but went in as many bars in order to assist hydration.
The hotel dining room was fully booked tonight but we’d already decided to try somewhere else after last nights food wrestling when the music stops. We went to Giorgio’s trattoria. What could go wrong with a name like that? Well, we were the only non Italians there and the menus were only in Italian. Also, only one member of staff spoke any appreciable English. So ordering was done with the help of our phrase book and a lot of gesticulating! It essentially worked in that neither of us was served with haggis. Mum went for spaghetti carbonara. I got a steak as they are always good in Italian restaurants. But when she asked if medium was ok I agreed, forgetting that by medium they mean only just dead.To obtain what we mean by medium you have to ask for very well done! So I ate most of it even though it kept trying to crawl off the plate and was calling for it’s mama but it was rather squelchy. Overall it was a nice meal and I got some of that lovely red beer with it.

Friday, 28 June 2019

Padova

Very hot, 35 degrees all day. Coach trip to Padova (apparently pronounced Pad oo er) . Very nice town off the general tourist track. The main purpose of some people was to visit as many old churches as they could in the time available. But we just shuffled about for an hour then went in another air conditioned bar/cafe where mum would have a milk shake or coke (she never had a coffee all day after breakfast George!) and I had a beer, purely for purposes of maintaining hydration you understand. I had a tuna and olive sandwich for lunch; never come across that combination before but it was ok and I’m sure Faye will love it when I make her one.
After lunch we went on a boat trip on a canal. They said if you stay on it this canal eventually arrives in Venice. There was a saloon cabin but upstairs was an open deck which is where I always prefer to go. But it was so fierce in the sun we sat under a canopy at the open front!
Now for today’s hotel food entertainment! We are bed and breakfast only at this hotel but it is a 4 star and has a restaurant so we booked a table for a 3 course meal. They brought a plateful of appetisers, bread, things like foot long yellow sticks, square crispy things etc. I could probably get a job describing menu items with my extensive food knowledge! Then they brought what looked a bit like and also tasted a bit like haggis. Of course I had to eat both. I ate the haggis with my official starter of fusilli with bacon, onion and tomatoes. Mum had vegetable soup sans haggis.
Then the fun started. Main course orders were an omelette for mum and steak for me. They make a big show of bringing food to the table with a silver lid covering it, then whip the lid off to reveal your food. Well, first of all he gave me the haggis and mum got sea bream. So he swapped our plates and disappeared. The fish looked nice so I thought I’d just eat that but as mum was about to eat this guy appeared from nowhere and whipped her plate. No explanation! After a few minutes he came back and presented her with fish! So we both objected at that point and he took them both away. Another few minutes passed and we each got what we ordered! It was very nice.

Thursday, 27 June 2019

Hidden Italy

The name of this holiday is hidden Italy and it was perilously close to remaining hidden. It all started going wrong when the stupid woman who lives in the Satnav machine couldn’t find Manchester airport ( I mean come on, it’s big enough). Then when we found terminal one the hapless driver managed to find himself trapped in the drop off zone, from which the only escape cost £3. We then went round again and accidentally turned into the short stay car park which cost us £4-50 to depart immediately. At the third attempt we found the meet and greet car drop off!
Then, in the airport the only way to get from the entrance to departures is by lift, where 3 million people all need to get in and it takes an hour and a half to go up and back down for the next group. After all that the final insult was that mum’s favourite cafe had stopped selling sausage sandwiches and didn’t even have hot drinks. Oh and then they kept us all queuing on the tarmac until the time of supposed take off before letting anyone on the plane.
It was at this point that mother announced this will be her final foreign holiday until they open an international airport in Wilsden.
Anyway we thought it was very hot standing on the tarmac in Manchester but, getting off the plane in Venice was like stepping into a sauna. It was already dark but was still 32 degrees and had been 39 earlier in the day apparently. Didn’t arrive at hotel until 10-30 pm local time. But the hotel seems very nice and there is a castle right next door! It was so hot we went down to the bar around 11-30. Mum successfully got a cafe latte. I wasn’t as successful with my request for a Hugo so had beer instead. Told the barman our room number in Italian and then wished him goodnight in Italian and he shouted after me that my accent was so good, was I Italian? De Niro has landed 😊

Sunday, 14 October 2018

Verona

This is the final report of this mission. We had to be on the coach by 9 to go to Verona. We needed a headset for when we got there to listen to a guided walk. But, because I didn’t go to Venice smenice I didn’t get a headset because they used the same ones. I would have done without but mum found a spare machine somewhere. However there was no earpiece so she made me ask the guide when he went past but he wasn’t interested. I would have called it quits then but she galloped after him when we got off the coach to ask again. He replied very sniffily that we should have asked before as he probably had none with him. But he did find some in his bag. I would have preferred to tell him where to shove them at that point but mum snatched them. So we set off for the walk but I deliberately didn’t listen. Bloody Venice mafia won’t beat me!
Anyway by walking at the front I could hear what she was saying without needing their precious headset. Turns out there never was a Romeo and Juliet. There’s a balcony with some tart pretending to be Juliet and all the bloody tourists are falling over themselves to have a photo holding the breast of a statue of a non-existent person. Idiots!
After the guided walk we had 3 hours to kill so strolled round Verona in the sun. There was a wine promotion this weekend. You pay 20 euros and get a wine glass and a little bag for round your neck to put the glass in and you get 9 tokens for “tastings”. Then there are wooden huts everywhere with people flogging their own company’s wine. The idea being, I guess that if you like the tasting you’ll buy a bottle. The result is that there are hundreds of people wandering the streets with wine glasses and the “tastings” seem to equate to a full glass. As the day wore on these people were getting progressively happier! I made do with my last Hugo over lunch.
Had our last meal tonight so also my last beer. Donato (alias Manuel) was on top form and we gave him a tip which produced handshakes and kisses for mum. If I sound a bit grumpy it’s because I sustained 9 mosquito bites last night and mother got none. It’s probably the bloody Venice smenice effect!

Saturday, 13 October 2018

The Phoenix rises

Fear not loyal readers, your intrepid reporter has escaped from the confines of the toilet, overcome the novichoc laced mussel poisoning attempt and returned to rescue mother from marauding gondoliers. It was a little frustrating today as all anyone seemed to talk about was Venice and gondolas and mum kept saying hello to people I’ve never seen before. Well Venice smenice, it’s only a canal with boats on, very similar to Hirstwood really. I’ve done that. Jealous? No not me 🙁
We had a 3 legged boat trip today. First it took us from Garda at the end of the lake to Malcesine half way up one side. It’s main attraction was a Saturday market but to be honest it was pretty much like Skipton market so we sat in the sun and strolled through the shops. Stopped at a bar and had our now customery latte macchiato and Hugo. The thing is if you both order coffee that’s all you get but if one bravely has alcohol you also get free nibbles. This time it was a bowl of peanuts. Then the boat took us across to the other side of the lake to Limone which is named after the lemons it’s famous for. All the shops have limoncello but I have my own at home.
We saw the end of a mountain race. It’s only a 10k but it took the winner exactly 3 hours which seemed incredibly slow until you see the terrain they run over and the mud on their legs! Had lunch there. More coffee and Hugo to get my average back to one a day (as I was otherwise engaged yesterday) and this time a free bowl of crisps. I had an Arabo, a bit like a ciabatta but in some sort of local bread with salami, cheese and salad. Mum also had a local dish (if she’d been in America) of a hot dog. They were both very nice. Then the boat took us back to Garda so we popped in the Coop (yes, seriously) to top up our water and beer supplies.
Mum has discovered that there is free cake and coffee at the hotel in late afternoon every day. But today was the first time we’d been back in time but we were too tired to be bothered engaging in small talk so didn’t bother trying it.