Verona

This is the final report of this mission. We had to be on the coach by 9 to go to Verona. We needed a headset for when we got there to listen to a guided walk. But, because I didn’t go to Venice smenice I didn’t get a headset because they used the same ones. I would have done without but mum found a spare machine somewhere. However there was no earpiece so she made me ask the guide when he went past but he wasn’t interested. I would have called it quits then but she galloped after him when we got off the coach to ask again. He replied very sniffily that we should have asked before as he probably had none with him. But he did find some in his bag. I would have preferred to tell him where to shove them at that point but mum snatched them. So we set off for the walk but I deliberately didn’t listen. Bloody Venice mafia won’t beat me!
Anyway by walking at the front I could hear what she was saying without needing their precious headset. Turns out there never was a Romeo and Juliet. There’s a balcony with some tart pretending to be Juliet and all the bloody tourists are falling over themselves to have a photo holding the breast of a statue of a non-existent person. Idiots!
After the guided walk we had 3 hours to kill so strolled round Verona in the sun. There was a wine promotion this weekend. You pay 20 euros and get a wine glass and a little bag for round your neck to put the glass in and you get 9 tokens for “tastings”. Then there are wooden huts everywhere with people flogging their own company’s wine. The idea being, I guess that if you like the tasting you’ll buy a bottle. The result is that there are hundreds of people wandering the streets with wine glasses and the “tastings” seem to equate to a full glass. As the day wore on these people were getting progressively happier! I made do with my last Hugo over lunch.
Had our last meal tonight so also my last beer. Donato (alias Manuel) was on top form and we gave him a tip which produced handshakes and kisses for mum. If I sound a bit grumpy it’s because I sustained 9 mosquito bites last night and mother got none. It’s probably the bloody Venice smenice effect!

The Phoenix rises

Fear not loyal readers, your intrepid reporter has escaped from the confines of the toilet, overcome the novichoc laced mussel poisoning attempt and returned to rescue mother from marauding gondoliers. It was a little frustrating today as all anyone seemed to talk about was Venice and gondolas and mum kept saying hello to people I’ve never seen before. Well Venice smenice, it’s only a canal with boats on, very similar to Hirstwood really. I’ve done that. Jealous? No not me 🙁
We had a 3 legged boat trip today. First it took us from Garda at the end of the lake to Malcesine half way up one side. It’s main attraction was a Saturday market but to be honest it was pretty much like Skipton market so we sat in the sun and strolled through the shops. Stopped at a bar and had our now customery latte macchiato and Hugo. The thing is if you both order coffee that’s all you get but if one bravely has alcohol you also get free nibbles. This time it was a bowl of peanuts. Then the boat took us across to the other side of the lake to Limone which is named after the lemons it’s famous for. All the shops have limoncello but I have my own at home.
We saw the end of a mountain race. It’s only a 10k but it took the winner exactly 3 hours which seemed incredibly slow until you see the terrain they run over and the mud on their legs! Had lunch there. More coffee and Hugo to get my average back to one a day (as I was otherwise engaged yesterday) and this time a free bowl of crisps. I had an Arabo, a bit like a ciabatta but in some sort of local bread with salami, cheese and salad. Mum also had a local dish (if she’d been in America) of a hot dog. They were both very nice. Then the boat took us back to Garda so we popped in the Coop (yes, seriously) to top up our water and beer supplies.
Mum has discovered that there is free cake and coffee at the hotel in late afternoon every day. But today was the first time we’d been back in time but we were too tired to be bothered engaging in small talk so didn’t bother trying it.

Venice for singles

Due to the adventurous tasting habits of one of us, the trip to Venice was a step to far away from the toilet so it became a solo journey. We were both up at silly o’clock (5.45am) in order to keep up with a strict timetable for the day. So after the parting of the ways I boarded the coach for a 2 hour journey with a quick ‘comfort break’ before catching the boat to Venice. Having opted for the undiscovered guided tour of Venice, I plugged in my earphone and off we went with either Carlo or Marco, who were brothers doing the two arranged tours. We went through several backstreets, small snickers, where even I had to nearly bob down. If I could remember what was said I could probably shared some interesting facts with you. Aren’t you lucky ‘cos I can’t remember any of them but I did take a picture of this plaque of St. George. We arrived at the tour end which was the Rialto Bridge and then had to independently make our way to St. Marco’s Square.  Good job I got my orienteering badge at guides. We were given a discount card for a restaurant on the square which made the inflated prices affordable but €28 for two coffees and two toastier, even divided by two, felt expensive. Toilets are in short supply in Venice so not topping up meant I avoided that need. The final adventure of the day was the gondola ride. An experience not to be missed if only because you got to watch the gondola loading technique which involves the gondolier working out your dress size and sitting you in his chosen spot on the gondola. The gondola is built asymmetrically which the tour guide explained but I’ve forgotten. Anyway, the whole thing wobbles badly as each person gets on and we all held our breath as a rather large couple prepared for their voyage. Please note that no persons got wet in the making of this paragraph. The actual ride round though was amazing and showed a different and much quieter side to Venice. It was a very long and sometimes lonely day but with only €1 spent on sparkling water, it was cheap.

A quiet day

No organised activity today so we were free to do as we pleased. We were quite glad as these holidays are very hectic, so we actually had a day on holiday when we didn’t have to set the alarm! We were still down for breakfast by 8-30 mind you but we had a leisurely start and set off to walk along the coast to the next town. Our tour guide, who’s not overly energetic suggested walking there and getting a taxi or the boat back. It’s 5 miles there and back! We tried our best not to walk at our normal pace and largely succeeded. There wasn’t much to do there so we had a coffee and strolled back but stopped to watch the activity on the water. It’s right at the head of the 33 mile long lake so it seems like it’s the seaside until you see the ducks on the water.
We filmed a little video to entertain Felicity and Reuben but were caught in the act by some fellow holidaymakers but they were probably just jealous of our skills. We watched a beginners class for sailboarding and it looked so easy I had all on to stop mum signing up for a session.
When we got back to our town it was late lunchtime so we shared a bruschetta and I had my usual Ugo.
Dinner was interesting. I ordered what they called clam soup but it came with around 250 big black shells (which I’m sure are mussels) floating in some liquid. I’ve reached my early 50’s without ever eating mussels before but they were ok although “a bit messy” to quote a certain little lady but they gave me a wipe for my hands. Then I had salmon so it was a very fishy meal. Mum had salad for the fourth day in a row. I wish I could go back to those French campsites in the 90’s which always had moule frites on the menu as I now reckon mussels and chips will be quite nice!
Early night tonight; alarm set for 5-45 for the Venice trip. That’s the half way point in the holiday so I’ll put my other socks on in the morning

Dolomite mountains

At breakfast you get the dinner menu and tick your choices for that day. I tend to choose and then forget about it. So we boarded the coach for a day in the mountains and climbed steadily to 2500+ metres, round a great many hairpin bends. The coach driver certainly earned his money today! It was the perfect day to do it as it was a lovely sunny day and you could see for miles, whereas when it’s cloudy you can’t see very much at all as you’re up in the clouds.
Our tour guide is very much into food and drink and tells us all about what’s available locally. The area we were in today was part of Austria until the end of the war and although it’s now in Italy many people don’t speak Italian but German and it’s very much Tyrol skiing country.
The local speciality is apple strudel and he highly recommended a particular cafe at our first stop of the day to try it, so I did and it was very nice. Then on the coach toward our second stop he said the strudel there was totally different and the most apple-y apple he had ever tasted, so I decided to have more, to compare. Then back in the hotel for dinner what had I chosen but apple strudel! My conclusion after 3 in one day is that whichever you have it’s nicer with ice cream and apple strudel is not particularly exciting anyway!
At the aforementioned second stop it was the highest point we reached in the mountains and there was a cable car took you even higher. One of us was dead keen to go up but the other didn’t really fancy it so we went up but didn’t stay long. The air was noticeably thinner and made you feel a bit wierd (well ok wierder than usual). I didn’t have apple strudel at stop number 3 but I did have another Hugo to drink. It didn’t come with all the accoutrements like the one yesterday and wasn’t quite as nice but it was still very refreshing which our guide reckons is down to the elderflower in it.
Manuel the waiter was back tonight (think it must have been his day off yesterday) and he was very entertaining, especially when he nearly had a fight with Mr Fawlty over getting in each other’s way. Next time each of them passed they both blamed the other!

Lake Garda

We drove up the west side of the lake in the coach. Apparently they used that road to film the opening car chase sequence in the Bond film Quantum of Solace. It took them 3 weeks to film a 2 minute sequence! Went past Mussolini’s residence (he was Hitler’s Italian ally in World War 2).
Stopped at a nice little waterside town for a look round then got on a boat which took us across and then down the lake. Our instructions were to get off at the third stop but when we tried to, a crew member tried his best to stop us. He spoke no English and just kept saying what sounded like Simeone as a question. I thought he was a good player in his time but is long since retired but why does this guy think I should be a fan? After a while the tour guide appeared and said don’t get off, the arrangements have changed. When we did get off at the next place it turned out to be called Sirmeone so, mystery solved.
We had lunch there at a pizzeria and I had one with roast potatoes, sausages and bacon  as a topping; brilliant! On the coach journey our tour guide ( a Belgian who speaks English with a kind of a Yorkshire accent mixed in as he lives near Hull, translating and guiding us round Italy!) was telling us all about local food and drink. He described a drink which was supposed to be a local version of Aperol spritzer. It contains sambucho (not to be confused with sambuca!) Prosecco, mint and lime. He said it’s very addictive so I tried one (you’ve seen the photo) and it’s fabulous. I shall be having more if I can remember what it’s called!
An amazing shop in that place was a doggy ice cream parlour! That’s not dog flavoured ice cream, but ice cream, and other sweets for dogs. Not sure what a vet would think of that idea!
It was then back on the coach to drive down the other side of the lake back to base. For tea I had a baked trout which had been swimming alongside our boat earlier, it was so fresh. I know it was the same one as it was swimming along, wrapped in foil with a slice of lemon poking out. Mum had ordered a banana split for pudding but there was no banana in it! I said it must have split (look dad jokes are good for you; I was reading about it in the free paper on the plane).

Wilsden to Milan and infinity

Our flight was at a civilised hour, ten past eleven but that, unfortunately didn’t make for a civilised start. Due to having to check in at ten past nine we had to navigate the M62 in the rush hour. We queued most of the way and the journey took two and a half hours but because we set off at 6-30 we were there on time. So Wilsden to Manchester by road, 2 hours 30 minutes. Manchester to Milan 1 hour 50 minutes and we had a lovely birdseye view of the Alps! Then Milan to Lake Garda by coach, 2 weeks 4 days and stiff legs.
As if that wasn’t bad enough we bought sandwiches at Manchester airport but didn’t eat them on the plane as it seemed too early. But then the coach driver didn’t allow eating on his bus. So, having got up at 5-45 I only had a kitkat to eat in the first 12 hours, before devouring my sarny when we stopped at services for a “comfort” break, so I arrived 2 stone lighter than when I left home ( not a bad thing in itself though!).
I booked a 4 star superior hotel and, for that you get a dressing gown and slippers each, plus a massive outdoor terrace for our personal use. Although the room safe has no lock on it so I’ll be walking about all week with my iPad tucked in my waistband.
The dining room is posh with some geezer playing tunes on a white piano. We have our own 2 person table allocated for the week and a waiter who is the Italian twin of Manuel in Fawlty Towers in both size and actions and the way he carries on. He took our orders for all 3 courses, brought us 2 soups, took away the plates then brought us another 2 soups! Unfortunately for mum the main choice was between beef and fish. As she wanted neither he said she could go serve herself a salad from the salad bar. It was only after that I realised she could have ordered beef or fish which I could have eaten and then gone and got a salad. Drat and double drat but we’ll know in future. The servings are only Master Chef size so hardly splash the sides but 2 would be a reasonable (small) helping. Well I have to try regain some of that weight so you’ll still recognise me when I get back home!